He's probably squatting a whole buncha weight at this exact moment

John Cena: not dead, still won’t give up
_{Photo: Alexander Vaughn/WikiMedia Commons}

Rest easy, WWE Universe. John Cena is not dead.

While perusing the terms that bring folks to The News Wheel, I noticed an unusual number of folks searching for something along the lines of “John Cena dead in car accident” or “John Cena car accident.” Being that I am something of a wrestling nerd (and by “something of a wrestling nerd,” I mean that I listen to New Japan Pro-Wrestling themes while I work), I decided that I’d try to get to the bottom of this matter.

Guess what: John Cena is not dead. This story–much like the story of the 2016 Lincoln Continental and the tale of the 200-mile Ford EV–is a complete hoax.

Turns out that this hubbub stems from a September 2012 article from International Business Times, which bears the headline “Is 

Today in Debunkery: John Cena is Not Dead

He's probably squatting a whole buncha weight at this exact moment

Rolled out March 4, 2015

Update (3/10): John Cena is still alive

• Did John Cena Die in a Car Crash?
• Proof John Cena is Alive
• Update

John Cena: not dead, still won’t give up
_{Photo: Alexander Vaughn/WikiMedia Commons}

Rest easy, WWE Universe. John Cena is not dead.

While perusing the terms that bring folks to The News Wheel, I noticed an unusual number of folks searching for something along the lines of “John Cena dead in car accident” or “John Cena car accident.” Being that I am something of a wrestling nerd (and by “something of a wrestling nerd,” I mean that I listen to New Japan Pro-Wrestling themes while I work), I decided that I’d try to get to the bottom of this matter.

Guess what: John Cena is not dead. This story–much like the story of the 2016 Lincoln Continental and the tale of the 200-mile Ford EV–is a complete hoax.

Turns out that this hubbub stems from a September 2012 article from International Business Times, which bears the headline “Is John Cena Dead? WWE Superstar Reportedly Dies, Victim of Celebrity Death Hoax”. Note how the whole “hoax” part is conveniently placed at the very end of that particular headline.

Now, if you were to search for “John Cena dead” on Google, this is what you get:

See the (possibly intentional) truncation of that original IBT headline, which very much makes it look like Cena is dead. Also see the top result, a photo gallery from WWE.com of a car accident involving Cena. Circumstantially, the idea that John Cena may be dead suddenly seems plausible. At least until you, ya know, think about it. With your brain parts.

Now, let’s use those brain parts and think about this together for just a tick. If John Cena—15-time WWE Champion and one of the most prominent faces in pro wrestling in the last 20 years—were to die in a car accident, does anyone actually believe that WWE would choose to honor him by putting up a nice big gallery of pictures depicting the accident that claimed his life? Sure, this is the WWE—a company that is no stranger to exploiting death for any number of reasons (see: “Eddie’s in Hell”,  “Viva La Savings!”)—but that would be pretty low even by their standards.

In reality, WWE’s photos depict the tepid aftermath of a March 19^th, 2012 accident. While traveling to the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia for that evening’s taping of Raw, Cena’sChevy Tahoe was rear-ended by an Acura CL that had been rear-ended by a tractor trailer. The damage: some scrapes to the trailer, a busted up butt for the Acura, and a misplaced Bowtie emblem on the Tahoe’s rear bumper.

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